


polyhedrons of fire

by flosculatory



Series: Microsoft Office fics [3]
Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:13:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26551897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flosculatory/pseuds/flosculatory
Summary: In which Cobb heard that slide transitions are the future, if he could just get his team to sit down and pay attention.
Series: Microsoft Office fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930906
Comments: 6
Kudos: 10
Collections: InceptGen





	polyhedrons of fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deinvati](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati/gifts).



> Now with [graphics](https://flosculatory.tumblr.com/post/629794473104359424/polyhedrons-of-fire-flosculatory-inception)!!!
> 
> Once upon a time, I was playing a game called 'Flaming Pyramids' with [Dei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deinvati) and screwed her over in a hilarious and spectacular manner, and she demanded retribution. Or at the very least, an apology fic.
> 
> (This came a day after Mousie screwed me over in a different game and wrote me [her own apology fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26519542), but that's probably completely unrelated and GAMES ARE NOT CAUSING PROBLEMS IN OUR FIC MARRIAGE I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT)
> 
> Anyway, this is that. LOVE YOU, VATI.
> 
> Thanks to [Mousie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmANonnieMouse/pseuds/IAmANonnieMouse) for reading this over and being the reasonable adult in the room (hah), LOVE YOU.
> 
> ALSO (bc I love a multitask), this is my entry for the FABULOUS [InceptGen Fest](https://inceptgen.tumblr.com/) running at the moment. MAJOR PROPS TO WHOEVER IS RUNNING THIS EVENT. LOVE YOU TOO.

Cobb hit a key and the slide rippled away to reveal a clipart trophy reading “WIN-WIN”.

“Which leads us right to our fourth habit! We’re moving now from independence to interdependence, which—”

“YOU MOTHERFUCKER!” Arthur yelled, glaring daggers across the room at Eames.

Cobb watched as Yusuf and Ariadne’s eyes dropped down to their respective laptop screens and Eames just grinned wildly.

Cobb squinted at Eames. “Eames, what did you do?”

“Fucked over the wrong person, that’s what,” Arthur snarled, clicking emphatically.

“Whatsoever could you possibly mean, Arthur, dear? I was doing nothing but listening to Cobb’s utterly _riveting_ PowerPoint presentation.” 

“Bloody likely,” Yusuf muttered as Ariadne snorted, both of their eyes still fixed on their screens in either horror or amazement. 

“What are you two looking at?” Cobb grabbed for Yusuf’s laptop and saw a game with tiles in a triangle shape that seemed to be… burning?

Cobb frowned. “What— Are you guys playing a game right now?”

Eames gasped. “The level of disrespect in this nation’s young people today, Cobb—”

“Shut your goddamn mouth before I punch your crooked teeth out, I swear to God.”

“Arthur!” 

“Just give me a second, Cobb, okay?” Arthur hunched over his laptop further, tapping his finger irritably.

Cobb looked at his carefully set-up projector screen for a second before turning back to the team. “Have all of you guys been playing the whole time?”

“To be fair,” Yusuf said, “Ariadne and I are just spectating right now because we lost the round-robin.”

“Yeah, and we only started playing after slide 60 or so, so we haven’t been playing the _whole_ time,” Ariadne added. “But, uh, Cobb? I think we just weren’t aware we were going to have to sit through a boring PowerPoint on our day off.”

“Boring?!” Cobb spluttered. “Did you not see the _transitions_? We haven’t even gotten to the origami one yet! The screen folds up into a crane!”

“Right, the transitions! Of course!” Ariadne nodded with a forced smile and looked over at Yusuf.

“Oh no, he’s almost got it,” Yusuf whispered, back to staring at whatever game they were ~~playing~~ _spectating_.

Cobb crossed his arms. “You guys all agreed to a team building day!”

“That’s when I thought we were going to be firing projectiles at our annoying fucking coworkers,” Arthur said without looking up. “Come on, come on, come on…”

“Well, I know I promised paintball but my lower back’s been acting up again and I really heard that slide transitions were the future—”

“FUCK!” Arthur slammed his laptop shut.

“Darling, don’t fuss, we can’t all be Flaming Pyramids champions,” Eames said in a smarmy voice. “Did I mention I was the Flaming Pyramids champion? Because as it turns out, I’m the—”

“Flaming Pyramids champion,” Yusuf and Ariadne groaned.

“You’re going to regret this,” Arthur said, pointing at Eames. “I was down to _one_ tile, and then—”

“You came up short? Exploded too early? Couldn’t keep the ol’ pyramid up? Don’t worry, it happens to every man from time to time.”

Arthur stood up, muttering, “I’ll show you a flaming pyramid,” before storming towards the door.

“But Arthur, we’re only at habit four!” Cobb yelled after him. “DON’T YOU WANT TO LEARN TO BE HIGHLY EFFECTIVE?”

The warehouse door slammed. There was a beat of silence. Ariadne and Yusuf closed their laptops guiltily.

“So…” Eames ventured. “Habit four was… think about winning? Funny that, I think I’m already doing this one! I feel more effective already, Cobb.”

“Think win-win,” Cobb said weakly, pressing another key.

* * *

Somewhere between habits five and six, Ariadne and Yusuf started fidgeting and turning around in their seats.

“Are you guys playing _again_?” Cobb whined. “I already agreed to skip the TED Talk that I’d carefully embedded in the presentation.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s—”

“Is something _burning_?” Eames asked, looking at Yusuf.

“Why are you looking at me? Just because I left a Bunsen burner on _one time_?!” Yusuf yelled indignantly. “Besides, I already checked.”

“Guys, the smoke’s coming from outside!”

They ran over to the warehouse doors and threw them open. 

“What the hell?!”

Arthur looked up from where he was tossing papers into the burning heap beside him. His hair was askew and he had a manic grin on his face. “Hey guys!”

They blinked.

"Arthur… you feeling alright, bud?" Cobb started.

"I'm feeling great!"

Ariadne looked uneasy.

Eames squinted at Arthur's hands, which were still pulling papers out of a box at his feet. "Do those papers have my fucking face on them?" Eames yelled, rushing over to grab a bunch. 

“WHO’S THE CHAMPION OF FLAMING PYRAMIDS NOW, EAMES?”

“Arthur, you fucking lunatic, you— wait a second, these are quite nice!” 

Eames started passing out sheets to the rest of the team.

“ _Nice_? I didn’t order 5000 copies of this to be nice! I— This is— It’s a statement!”

Cobb looked down at the sheet of paper. There was a (rather flattering) photo of Eames, with the words “Flaming Pyramids ‘Champion’” underneath. 

Yusuf chimed in, “I agree with Eames, impressive design.”

“Yeah, maybe you should design Cobb’s next set of PowerPoint slides!” Ariadne said.

Cobb frowned.

“I— What?” Arthur said, pausing from his paper burning to look down at one of the posters. “Guys, this is just a Canva template. As if I’d put any real effort into anything related to Eames.”

“So, printing out a poster with a quite attractive photo of me—”

“It was the only one I had on my phone—”

“And driving to CVS—”

“Office Depot, I’m not made of money—”

“And bribing and/or threatening the poor workers to put a rush on your _5000 copies_ ,” Eames continued, “that _doesn’t_ count as ‘any real effort’?”

Arthur crossed his arms. “It’s— It’s a _statement_!”

Eames chuckled and tucked his copy of the poster away. “Well thank you for your statement, Arthur,” he said, walking over to his car.

Ariadne and Yusuf shrugged and took that as their cue to leave. “See you tomorrow, guys!” they called, following Eames out.

Cobb finally looked up from studying the poster’s design and saw Arthur just standing there dumbfounded.

“Wait, where did they all go? We haven’t even gotten to the continual improvement section yet!”

Arthur gave Cobb a look and started moving to put out the fire.

“Hey, you didn’t think my slides were ugly, did you?”

“Go away, Cobb,” Arthur said.

* * *

The next day, the team reassembled to finish off the presentation (but mostly because Cobb had bribed them with a free lunch wherever they chose).

“So once you’ve learned all six of these revolutionary habits, what’s left?”

His team stared back at him blankly, their laptops shut on their desks as per Cobb’s request.

“Well, you have to practise them, of course! Covey calls this process sharpening the…” Cobb made a sawing motion with his right hand.

“...Punching? Fist?” Arthur guessed.

Ariadne considered. “Is he cheers-ing? Sharpening the beer mugs?”

Cobb’s brow furrowed, and he did the motion faster. “No guys, look!”

“I don’t think you want to hear what my guess is, Cobb,” Eames said, smirking.

“Guys, think teeth! Sometimes it has a chain, can make a lot of noise… really? Nothing?”

Yusuf shrugged. Eames leaned forward, his hands clasped together in glee.

Cobb sighed and hit a key to advance the slide. “Come on, it was sharpen the— Eames?!”

The slide switched to a giant goofy picture of Eames smiling widely with the words “FLAMING PYRAMIDS CHAMPION!” below it, bolded, underlined, italicized, and highlighted bright yellow.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Arthur moaned. “Eames, really?”

“Yeah, Eames, really?” Cobb echoed.

“Well, I think it’s only fitting, darling! The picture you put on your posters was much too dignified for the occasion.”

Arthur scowled. 

“To continue on,” Cobb said, hitting the key again, “we must sharpen the— ARTHUR?!”

This time, Arthur’s giant scowling face was looking down on them with the words “Champion of creating pyramids of flame” below it in a more tasteful font.

“Eames, what the hell,” Arthur said, looking slightly less murderous.

“As a champion, it is my duty to give fellow champions credit where credit is due.”

Arthur cracked a smile.

Cobb shook his head. “I swear, Eames, if you put in one more slide...” He hit the key one final time. 

“Eames, what did you do?!”

There was a black slide with the words “End of presentation, click to exit” at the top.

“Where are the rest of my slides?!”

Eames clapped his hands. 

“Looks like that’s all, folks, guess it’s time for lunch on Cobb!” He stood up and began packing his things.

Arthur laughed and followed suit. “Any ideas, guys?”

“I know a paintball place that offers a free lunch for every player!” Ariadne offered.

“Paintball lunch?”

“Paintball lunch.”

“I’ll put the address in the group chat!”

“Don’t forget your wallet, Cobb!”

The warehouse door slammed and left Cobb standing in silence.

“They didn’t even get to see the origami transition,” Cobb said mournfully.

He began packing up his computer and projector. 

“Wait, I’m not in a group chat!”

**Author's Note:**

> STORM I LOVE YOU TOO
> 
> [RELEVANT VIDEO LINKED HERE FOR POSTERITY](https://flosculatory.tumblr.com/post/629729538986983424/polyhedrons-of-fire)
> 
> (If you don't know the game, all you need to know is fire = bad, and I laugh at dei's pain.)


End file.
